Almost a full week has gone by since A-10′s. In another week, at this time, I will likely be enjoying my last pre-race dinner with my teammates at some restaurant in Madison, CT, thinking about how the next day will unfold.
L-a-s-t. I can’t really describe how I feel when I write those four letters… and maybe it’s better not to.
Last Saturday was my last A-10 race, ever. I remember reminding myself of it as I stood on the starting line, my entire body shaking from the adrenaline pumping through my veins. The starter fired the gun, and off I went, right behind Gina – I was determined to get out fast and put myself in a good position. But so were the other138 girls in my race. We ran down a grass field of about 200m maybe, and started our descent – first crossing the street, and making a hard left down a crushed limestone path. I didn’t go out as fast as I thought I did, but maybe it was for the better, because I had much more room to run as we made the turn onto the path (it was like gravel, except more compact and with finer rock particles). I was further back than I thought, but soon caught up to Kristen and Claire. The three of us ran together for a while – I could see Sarah just up ahead, and started to work my way up as the pack of girls ahead began to string out. I thought about my two teammates and the adversities that they had each overcome in the past year – this gave me the strength to push onwards. My split for the first mile was 5:35 – fast, but not bad at all compared to what Courtney and Karen went through in (5:15!). Towards the end of the first mile, the course started to climb; it was only a slight incline, but boy did it hurt. Nevertheless, I kept going, and finally caught up to Sarah. I managed to breathe out a “come… on…Sa…rah” between sessions of mucus-hacking and laboured breathing while we ran side-by-side; I thought about Sarah and the obstacles that she has had to overcome this past season outside of running, and all feelings of self-pity and despair that had been crawling into my thoughts were swept away. I bit my lip, told myself to stop being a baby, and pushed onwards. I was doing it for my teammates. By mile 2, my legs were really feeling it. Thankfully, though, a brief downward incline came to my rescue, and I used it to my advantage to gain some momentum. I knew the hill was coming and that I would probably struggle going up it, but I had to go – it was now or never – and so I went. But soon enough, I saw the hill up ahead. It got bigger and bigger as I approached, and I was scared. It didn’t help that I stumbled on the curb when crossing the path right before the hill and tweaked my ankle. This was where Claire passed me – and it was a good thing that she did, because as soon as I saw her run up ahead and really go after the hill, I was inspired, and collected myself in an attempt to do the same. I eventually made it up the hill without getting passed by too many people (hills aren’t really my thing… I admit to walking up a hill in a race once), and began to pick up the pace for the last 1000m loop to the finish. I ended up catching a few girls along the way, but was passed by 2 girls in the final sprint to the finish.
So that was how my last A-10 Championship race unfolded. It wasn’t until a few minutes after that I realized I had just run in my last race. My heart sank after I heard what place our team had come in. I saw the disappointment on some of my teammates’ faces, and I felt completely responsible. It certainly wasn’t the storybook ending that I had dreamed and hoped for as a freshman. I was mad at myself, but it was useless – the race was over, I did the best that I could do, and I had to accept the result. But the reality is that it’s not over yet – I have one more race left to go, and I’m going to make it a good one.
