***Before I get to the post, I want to let all six of you that read the blog that I’m moving to a new website, hopefully to get a whole eight people to follow me. My next post will be on this website and this one will be for the most part extinct (I’m moving all of my old posts over to the new website probably tomorrow). The new website is http://mattybsportsblog.blogspot.com/. ***

It’s been about 20 minutes since they’ve released the brackets (this post probably won’t be finished or go up until about 2 hours after, but I’m writing this in real time). Couple thoughts about the selections.

-The lack of mid-majors in this tournament is going to really hold down this tournament compared to previous years. Only mid-majors got into the tournament with at-large bids. Two things about this: Don’t the great mid-major teams always make games just a little more interesting when you’re picking through your bracket? If I had to choose a game like Illinois-Creighton it would be a legitimate tug of war in ym head for a solid 10 minutes checking obscure bizarre facts to try and rationalize it either way. I feel like there are maybe 3 games like that in this field. Secondly, in a season as bizarre as this, where every team has proved to be completely vulnerable, why would you not want great mid-major teams in this tournament??? You’re telling me with the right draw Saint Mary’s couldn’t get to the Sweet Sixteen,or at least get 25,000 idiots to pick them that far (myself included). This tournaments going to be a battle of terrible and great major conference teams rather than a battle of great mid-major teams and great major teams. This definitely has potential to be the worst tournament I’ve seen in the 8 years I’ve been watching it on a religious level. And Arizona getting in, not even as a 15 or 14 (like they should have been), but as a 12, is far and away the biggest gaffe the selection committee has ever made. I really am convinced there was a 4 drink miminum before entering the selection war room today.

-The Big Ten does not deserve seven teams. Period. There is no offense and I refuse to believe there is defense. Did you know only one team in the Big Ten shoots 46% or better? Should we contribute this to defense or just terrible shot selection. I’m sorry but I don’t care what defense you’re playing, you are not holding a game in the shot clock era to a 38-33 score. It means you shoot like 12 year old girls. And they didn’t even get the seven best teams! How does Penn State finish 5th in this conference and not get into the tournament? Imagine if they left a 5 seed in the ACC like Clemson out of the tournament? There would be riots in the street and everyone would protest the tournament.

-Just thought of something: those mid-major bids? Of the four, two went to A-10 teams. At this point, can we truly count the A-10 as a mid-major? After St. Joe’s season in 2004, Dayton and Xavier consistently being in the top 25 for all of the season, how can we possibly call them a mid-major? If they were on the fence before, we can definitely throw them on the “major conference” boat now. So that means only two mid-majors got into the tournament without winning their tourney: Gonzaga (peaking at the right time), and Butler (top 25 all year). Just inexcusible on all levels.

-Hubert Davis brought this up on ESPNU Bracketology, and I thought the same thing during Championship week. Not to make excuses for the terrible job the selection committee did, but a lot of the conference tournament were won by teams that has absolutely no right winning them: Mississippi State, Cleveland State, Temple, USC come immediately to mind. With this, they couldn’t just throw the conference favorites (LSU, Butler (a BIGGG one), Xavier (ditto), and UCLA) out into the rain, especially when two of those favorites probably would have made the tournament regardless. If they don’t win the tournament, do Mississippi State, Cleveland State, Temple, or USC get into the tournament? I say maybe USC, but the other three don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. I say they should have left an A-10 team (probably Dayton) and a weak SEC team (Tennessee, another abomination in getting a 9 seed) out of the tournament and let in Saint Mary’s and Creighton.

- I thought at one point during ESPNU Bracketology that Dick Vitale was going to rip Jay Bilas’s face off. What I learned during the argument, more than anything about the tournament, is that Jay Bilas is the biggest asshole in the universe. I always thought he was a littl stuck-up being he went to Duke and all, but this just takes the cake. I can do his job, be a million more times diplomatic, and not talk down to Dick Vitale, and be loved by millions. Do we really need assholes like Jay Bilas and Skip Bayless to balance out all the good people in this analyst business? I say no.

-Finally, I really feel bad for the Siena Saints, and not just because they’re my babies. The point of being a mid-major evidently means “you play an inferior schedule and therefore don’t deserve a good seed, in fact you should be lucky to be in at all”, at least that’s what previous history, and especially this year, implies. So how does Siena, in this year in which if you didn’t win your conference you were essentially dead in the water, get a 9 seed? So they can win the right to get demolished by a Louisville team who is reaching the highest Karma rating of all time? (Karma ratings coming later in the week…don’t worry I’ll explain everything.) Does anyone have a problem switching their 9 seed with USC’s 10, especialy when USC won the Pac-10?? Then imagine what you have: USC knocks over the tip of the iceberg by beating Ohio State by 27, Siena breezes in an “upset” of Boston College, USC has the athletes to at least give Louisville a game in the second round, and Siena collapses the foundation of the Big Ten by upsetting #2 Michigan State. After that, how far does Siena go? Do they beat a shaky Kansas/good West Virginia team in another upset and go to the Elite Eight? And then at that point, do they have the momentum to possibly upset Louisville? I mean, we’ve seen George Mason do it, right? Nope, they win a first round game by 35 and take a turd sandwich in the face from Louisville.

This is the reason I need to be the sober one on the Selection Committee.

With only days before Selection Sunday, and eight days before the start of the greatest event in sports (come on admit it, it’s bigger than the Super Bowl), I’ve be scrounging the bowels of ESPN.com looking for sleepers for this years tournament. For the last couple years I have completely embarrassed myself with my “sleepers” (Cal State Fullerton in 2008, Long Beach State in 2007), and have stepped up my game this time around. I’ve been catching every mid-major games every time they’re on (lie), have watched hours of Midnight Madness on ESPN late at night (huge lie), and traced down a couple teams that look like they could be very frisky in the tournament (truth?): the Siena Saints and the Saint Mary’s Gaels. And as fate would have it, both teams were playing at 9 on the worldwide leader. Here’s what transpired.

9:05 – And we’re live from Vegas and Albany! Could you possibly have two completely opposite cities in the United States? In any event, thanks to the terrible satellite reception at UMass, ESPN hasn’t been working all day. Thank God for ESPN360.com. Definitely goes up there with toothpaste and Ramen noodles for top inventions of the last 250 years.

9:09 – Evidently Saint Mary’s center Omar Samhan got whistled for a T during warmups for dunking in the lay-up line. Um, excuse me? Are we serious here? I think it’s time for the chiefs in the NCAA think tanks to remove their heads from their asses. The game hasn’t started and the Gaels are already down 1-0. I can see this is going well. Now their down 5-0 and Niagra holds a 3-2 lead early. Both of my sleepers off to slow starts. And I wonder why I finish no better than 34th in my pool every year.

9:16 – Am I worried that Saint Mary’s has started the game 0-7 from the field and is down 11-2 early to a top 15 Gonzaga team? You betcha. On a good note Siena evidently lives for hoisting threes (always good in a NCAA tournament), and they’re up 13-5 on Niagara, whose actually a legitimate team in their own right.

9:20 – I officially hate ESPN360 for their 2 minute delays. It’s heartbreaking when ESPN2 shows that split screen thing to show me one of my “sleepers” is actually down by more than I can see they are. It really is.

9:30 – In a matter of 21 minutes we have seen the award for “Most Bogus Technical Foul” change hands twice. Siena guard Ronald Moore threw down a dunk on the fast break, began to run up the court, accidentally hit it out of the hands of a Niagara player inbounding the ball, threw it back to the ref, and got hit with a T. Bizarre happenings. At this point, I like how both teams are banging the interior and fighting for the ugly points (also big during the tourney), although Siena should be running more. They can run any team in the nation of the floor with their athleticism. Both teams are down 6 with around 9:00 left in the 1st half.

9:37 – Speak of the devil. Siena starts running and throws up their suffocating 1-1-2-1 full court trap. A quick 7-0 to take the lead by 1.

9:43 – Horrendously sloppy game between Saint Mary’s and Gonzaga. Neither team is shooting above 38% from the field and it’s 22-22 with 4:05 left in the half. Siena is still in a dogfight, up 4 with 5:01 left.

9:49 – Let it be known that a continuation foul was called in college basketball. Let’s hope this is the first hole in the ship. By the beginning of next year the NCAA will essentially be the NBA when it comes to continuation calls. I’m giddy at the prospect. Also, Matt Bouldin needs to be euthanized immediately. He reminds me of a more polished Adam Morrison, or for people who don’t know basketball, a polished turd.

9:55 – 38-25 Zags at the half. They caught fire at the end of the half and Saint Mary’s seemed to mail in the last couple minutes. Patty Mills’s line so far: 2 pts, 3 reb, 1 ast, 1-10 FG. Ouch. And I am a HUGE Patty Mills fan. This is painful to watch. Also, 33-33 at the half between Siena and Niagara. Niagara’s carelessness with the ball and Siena’s trap is helping keep Siena in this game despite Kenny Hasbrouck having only 2 points on 1-10 from the field. Here’s hoping both guys can get something going in the second half. And I gotta say watching two games AND taking notes on them is gotta be top 5 most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life. I’m craving some Ramen asap.

10:13 – Clutch bowl of Ramen. That bowl had a lot of Jerry West in it, not gonna lie, and I’m back just in time to start the second half. FYI, Steve Lavin needs to perish immediately. He, along with Billy Packer and Tommy Heinsohn, need to come to My Horrific Color Guy Summit I’m hosting next winter.

(Side Note: I LOVE Tommy Heinsohn. But come on, is there a more biased color guy anywhere?? And he threatened to take Hedo Turkoglu’s green card! I have this on my DVR! How he gets away with this in this America is beyond me. Once I find out how to, that clip is going on YouTube and is getting a million hits in the first week. Mark my words.)

10:16 – Uh oh. The Zags are up 15 two minutes into the second half. My boys are looking demoralized. This could get really out of hand really fast. The Niagara-Siena game is closing in on the Michael Vick Award for “Dogfight of the Year”. 39-37, 16:30 left.

(Admit it, you laughed at the Mike Vick joke.)

10:23 – The lead is getting bigger. The fans are going nuts (they probably outnumber Saint Mary’s in the stands at least 10:1), and Patty Mills has nothing. 14-0 run, Zags up 19. By the way, Saint Mary’s has 9 field goals in 25 minutes. Suddenly they don’t look like a sleeper anymore.

10:32 – Same song, new verse. Zags by 19 with absolutely no life in Saint Mary’s and Patty Mills is on the bench. On the Deuce, the Siena-Niagara game has evidently been replaced by a 12-year-old girls travel game. Nothing but terrible shots and ugly turnovers. Just shoot me now. 46-45 Siena with 11:49 to go.

10:41 – I have two options right now: watch one of my Cinderella babies down 24 or watch a girls travel game. In the words of Dr. Evil, “Either way, it’s bad”. Looks like I’m going with the Niagara-Siena game from here on out.

10:49 – I give one final look to the Saint Mary’s-Gonzaga game to find Saint Mary’s is down further than the Dow Jones. On a lighter note Siena is starting to pull away 59-51 and Kenny Hasbrouck is beginning to heat up. So i got that going for me, which is nice.

10:53 – Did you know Kenny Hasbouck is has been playing in the MAAC Tourney with a leg injury? And he’s still lighting up a good Niagara team and is proving himself as a go-to-guy? I’m looking forward to him getting two weeks of rest and seeing him healthy in the tournament. And for the record, Davidson got the wrong Rossiter. Ryan Rossiter is better than his older brother by a long shot.

10:59 – Bill Raferty needs to do more games. He’s like the anti-Steve Lavin, and is most certainly out of his mind in every conceivable way. There’s a solid 45% chance he’s calling this game completely naked at the scorer’s table. Here’s hoping he 1.) gets paired with Gus Johnson in the NCAA tournament (this may cause the end of the world) and 2.) isn’t put on meds before the beginning of the tournament. Oh, and my boys at Saint Mary’s? Shalacked by 25. 83-58. Well that couldn’t have gone any worse.

11:15 – After 16 torturous minutes of bleh basketball, fouling, and missed prayers by Niagara, Siena takes it down 77-70. I went a respectable 1-1 with my “sleepers”, and I can live with that. With my past couple of years, I’ll take whatever I can get when it comes to sleepers in the NCAA tournament.

Let me do this the only way I know how to:

Michael Buffer: Fighting out of the red corner, wearing white sweatpants reading “Ogunquit, Maine” down the left pant leg. Official weight: 168 1/4 pounds. His professional record, an astounding one, consisting of 13 fights, including 12 victories, with 11 wins coming by way of knockout, with 1 defeat. Originally from Tewksbury, Massachusetts, now hailing from Amherst, Massachusetts. Making his triumphant comeback after a one month hiatus. The UNDISPUTED UMass Network Blogging CHAMPION OF THE WORLDDDDDDD. MATT “THE BLACK MAMBA” BOWDRRRRIIIDDDDDGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!!”

Thank you, thank you, it feels good to be back.

I woke up around noon to discover to my suprise the Patriots handling of the Matt Cassel situation was completely preposterous on all levels. Reports came out that they were offered a three team deal involving the Bucs and Broncos that would have sent Jay Cutler to the Bucs, Cassel to the Broncos, and given the Patriots as high as the 12th pick overall from the Broncos. I think I speak for more than just myself for saying how in the hell is this deal turned down in any universe (side note: so people aren’t asking ‘What the hell would the Bucs be giving up in this trade?’, Chris Mortensen reports they would have to part with a 1st and 3rd round pick going to the Broncos). Has the NFL morphed into the NBA overnight and only terrible trades go through? And from a Patriots’ fan standpoint, I was beside myself. Think about the scene when Sally Field discovers Robin Williams is Mrs. Doubtfire in the restaurant. After shaking this horrific look from my face, I tried to think of this rationally, and I came up with only two possible scenarios.

1.) When Scott Pioli left the Patriots, Bill Belichick had a deal in place with Pioli in which, pending the status of Brady’s knee (which they clearly must have good information on if they have already dealt Cassel), he would trade Pioli a piece of the empire that he helped build in New England, so he could get his start in Kansas City going without having to deal with a couple terrible transition years. Or…

2.) Bill Belichick, or more importantly Robert Kraft, decided that this deal was flawed because they didn’t want to pay mid-first-round-pick money to somebody that may or may not be a bust in the NFL, which is somewhat defensible. It’s been pretty well-established at this point that the NFL Draft is a complete crap shoot. Everyone knows the insurmountable number of busts over the past 15 years, so there’s no need for me to delve into this…

…okay, maybe just for a minute. How hysterical is the life of Ryan Leaf? I am completely dumbfounded somebody like Sal Paolantonio hasn’t signed a book deal to write the official biography of Ryan Leaf and immediately sold the movie rights to HBO to make into a mini-series. This guy went from huge jerk in high school and college, to a character-issue guy that was talked about as a #1 pick ABOVE PEYTON MANNING (I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to fully grasp that concept. It’s like trying to understand the workings of the universe. At some point, your brain can only take so much), to a complete bust who was a malcontent and was terrible with his teammates, to turning his life around coaching as a D-II quarterbacks coach (probably not a good job for his personality to begin with. I would have gone the Kurt Warner bagging groceries rout), to relapsing into his old ways and trying to score pills off one of his players. And this somehow is not an HBO mini-series? Sal Paolantonio, you just lost yourself millions. I hope you can’t sleep tonight.

2.)…and we all know Bill Belichick is a big fan of his late first-early second round picks. I also heard there was talk of a deal involving Cassel and Julius Peppers in a trade with Carolina, and the only reason I can come up with for axing that deal is also cap space. Which, again, I suppose makes some kind of sense. The Patriots, if anything, have been known as shrewd when it comes to spending money. Think about some of the players they have cut over the years, and how they’ve continued to win anyways.

But at what point does it stop becoming shrewd and end up becoming stupid? The Patriots payroll for next year is around $92.5 million, and the salary cap is going up to $123 million. Regardless of the tough economic times, you are honestly telling me Robert Kraft can’t shell out an extra $7 or $8 million next year to pay someone like CBs Vonte Davis or Malcolm Jenkins who the Patriots desperately need? Why are we taking a 34 overall instead of a 12? Are we going to try and roll the dice and take a flyer on someone like James Laurinaitis who apparently looked terrible at the combine? I mean I can understand people saying “Belichick has done things like this before and we’ve turned out alright!” Well this is true, but he didn’t sell a potential franchise quarterback and cornerstone of a franchise for at most 60 cents on the dollar to an old friend. At what point do we at least rock the boat, if not call mutiny? I mean this is a decent draft, but not a deep draft by any stretch of the imagination.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Bill Belichick. I think he is THE smartest coach in the league, is great with handling players and negotiating contracts and getting players to buy into his team-first mentality. I still owe him after calling for his head after he started out 5-11 his first season in 2000. But are we really that sure about Brady’s knee we’ll risk starting the 2009 campaign with Kevin O’Connell, a kid whose thrown 6 passes in his career? Didn’t it come out only a couple months ago that Brady was going to need to get scar tissue removed from his knee? What happened, did it mysteriously disappear? I understand the Patriots are good at keeping team issues mum to the press, but when that leaks, how do they keep that quiet? I almost feel like the Patriots are slowly morphing into the Corleone family and we’re Kay; we have an idea of what they’re doing behind the scenes and the “business” they run, but we’re not sure and are trying, possibly in vain, to say they’re an honest and mean well. But let’s look at the facts:

1.) Why in the world would they want to improve a team like the Broncos? Assume the Cutler-Cassel thing is a wash (And it is. I’m not hearing arguments. You give Matt Cassel a WR like Brandon Marshall and he’s challenging Dan Marino’s yards record), you want to give them an extra 1st and 3rd round picks when there’s a chance we might see them in the playoffs at some point? Especially when Cassel is reuniting with Josh McDaniels.

2.) The Chiefs are at least 3 or 4 years away from becominga legitimate team. Knowing we’re not getting the 3rd pick overall (you honestly think Pioli would give up a #3 overall after working with the shrewdest man in the business for the last 5-10 years?), they figured they would take what they can get and take the 34, which is essentially as good as a late first round pick. And come on, they’re old friends. It’s a you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours situation, except I don’t know where the Patriots back gets scratched in this situation.

My theory behind these questionable moves, or lack thereof, is the Patriots are beginning to build an empire in the NFL, beginning with Pioli in Kansas City and McDaniels in Denver. And I honestly do think Pioli will eventually scratch the back of the New England Patriots, whether it be with a first pick next year or some asset from KC, which doesn’t have many to choose from, but you get the idea: we’re getting compensation for giving away Cassel and a great team leader in Vrabel for peanuts.

My beloved New England Patriots, who were loveable losers once upon a childhood, are now morphing into the New York Yankees. I think I can chalk this up as another loss in my career.

I cannot trust the National Football League ever again. Not after what they have done to me this year. From this point on I will look at every season the same way I look at every Red Sox season: immediately assuming the worst at all times.

I mean look at what we have here: a #1 and #2 going down in the Divisional Weekend, the other #1 falling the following weekend, a 6-4 Conference Championship matchup, an 8-8 team not only making the playoffs, but beating a 12-4 team absolutely on fire with the MVP of the league, a 9-7 team running the gauntlet and making it to the Super Bowl in absolutely dominant fashion, and about 10-20,000 deaths solely based on gambling collapses. How can you possibly recover from something like this? Too much damage has been done.

That being said, I am completely at a loss for picking this game. I just don’t know if I can do it. Either way I pick I immediately feel like a.) I’ve jinxed said team (I did go 0-2 on Championship Weekend, and have become streakier than Allen Iverson), and b.) I have absolutely 0% confidence in said pick. At this point, it’s a total crapshoot. The only thing that comes out of this game that gives me any kind of satisfaction is the fact that the line has not moved since after the Conference Championships. And yes, I would love to take a white-hot Cardinals team with the best receiver since Jerry Rice getting seven points, thank you very much.

At this point, what can I say that hasn’t already been said by the proposterous amount of coverage this Super Bowl has gotten on ESPN? The Steelers have a defense that reminds people of the glory days of the Steel Curtain blah blah blah…The Cardinals offense is going to be a great matchup against the Steelers D blah blah blah…Kurt Warner makes 95% of people uncomfortable every time he mentions God blah blah blah…will Roethlisberger’s rib and Ward’s knee play a factor blah blah blah. At this point it’s become nothing more than a glorified circus, right down to people tuning in just to watch the commercials and the halftime show. Especially with a game that, at least in my opinion, is one of the worst Super Bowl matchups I can remember in the last 10 years (it goes up there with the Steelers-Seahawks).

Am I looking forward to it? Absolutely. I love the Super Bowl every year. The electricity in the air, even if you have no emotional steak in the game (your team isn’t in, you haven’t purchased any squares, you have absolutely no prop bets with anyone, all three directly apply to me this season unfortunately), is unparalleled. I always find myself getting way too into it for absolutely no reason. It should be a national holiday, and should be followed by another holiday on Monday so everyone can recover. There is not a more watched program on television, and no regular event warrants as much attention. Just great times all around.

But I feel like the Super Bowl almost gets too much air time. I mean, it’s not like we’re covering the end of the world. Is it really necessary to have NFL Live, Jim Rome is Burning, Mike and Mike, and live Sportsceneter coverage every day for a week? I mean seriously, isn’t this overkill? I can understand even a solid 4-5 days before the game, but a whole week? And four shows? It’s getting absurd. Would I like updates on injuries throughout the week and recent changes in strategies, among other team reports? Absolutely. Do I care why Larry Fitzgerald and Troy Polamalu grow out their hair long? Not even a little bit (although both are rather interesting stories in and of themselves). Have you watched Sunday NFL Countdown the last couple of weekends for the playoffs? Is it really necessary to have 2 hours for 2 games? Is there really that much to cover? We can’t just have an hour with a couple reports from the field/locker room and a couple of Chris Berman comedic gold moments? We need two hours of awkwardness where there’s basically nothing to talk about for the last hour and a half? I think not.

As for my pick? Among all the hooplah that has been surrounding this game you would think I’d be all about breaking down everything I could and recognizing the small things that might gives teams an advantage. But honestly, ESPN has completely taken away everything fun about the Super Bowl with ’round the clock coverage of a game that’s going to take 4 hours on Sunday. I’ve mailed this in UMass-style. Sorry to disappoint, but I’ve had my fill for this season. Here’s hoping next year will stick true to Red’s words in Shawshank: “I just want to be back in a place where things make sense”.

The Pick: Pittsburgh 31, Arizona 28

To end a week of great history, I felt it only fitting to have the change extend into the realm of sports. Forget economic and global changes, and their boring and long winded addresses and illegible rhetoric. It’s all about the changes that directly affect us that we care about. Therefore, I propose these nine changes to sports, in order to make a more perfect Union. Without further ado, and in no particular order:

- The NFL playoffs need to be revamped altogether. And yes, I am still bitter the 11-5 Patriots dismantled a 9-7 Cardinals team by 40 points, followed by an improbable Cardinals Super Bowl run. With that horrific stain on this season notwithstanding, the playoffs should be expanded to an 8-team format, NBA-style. The four division winners get home-field, followed by 4 Wild Card teams. In this season, you would have had 7 teams in the AFC playoffs with winning records (Titans, Steelers, Dolphins, Ravens, Colts, Patriots, Jets), and the uber-frisky Chargers sitting at 8-8. Now people will argue that this destroys the purpose of getting the first or second seed because it eliminates the Bye week. These people lack vision.

Think of it this way: if these teams were that good, then these 1-8 matchups would basically serve as bye weeks anyways, no? And if anything, they provide a tune-up game that allows them to stay sharp and fresh, so they don’t lose their momentum (look at the Giants, who looked god-awful against the Eagles). And on the off chance an 8 beats a 1??? It would be THE sports story for the next two weeks, and everyone would wrap their arms around a team that nobody believed in. And imagine if that 8 seed ran all the way to the Super Bowl???? Roger Goodell, you can thank me later.

- The NHL needs to downsize immediately. Any team that cannot support snow at any time during the year cannot and will not have a hockey team, regardless of record. This means the Sharks, Coyotes, Ducks, Stars, Predators, Lightning, Panthers and Thrashers need to forfeit their teams. The only team that gets to stay, and only because it has been around so long and is a large market, is the Los Angeles Kings. And because we are keeping the Kings, we have to get rid of another team, so the Columbus Blue Jackets are immediately disposed of for three reasons.

#1. You’re one of the last teams to enter the league, if not THE last team to enter the league. It’s like any other work force downsizing: last hired, first fired.

#2. Columbus is a football town. Always has been and always will be. Leave the Buckeyes alone and go away.

#3. Your logo is the Blue Jackets.

With this scenario, we’re left with an odd number of teams (21), so one more has to go. Sorry, Hurricanes. You’re not a hockey town, and you can support snow only for about a week and a half at a time.

We then reinstate the Winnipeg Jets and the Quebec Nordiques, and have supplemental drafts for these teams, followed by a draft for the players released by their old teams (with Quebec and Winnipeg getting first crack at them). We then restart the league with 22 teams, with the talent loaded all around. Perfect way to make the NHL a major sport again.

- To make golf more appealing, it has to host some kind of All Star Weekend, with a US vs. the World Skins Match, a trick shot contest, and a long drive competition.

- The Slam Dunk Contest will be completely discontinued until we have legitimate players step up and perform in it. If it takes a $25,000 bribe to get these guys in, so be it. It has completely degenerated into garbage and we get to witness another rousing set of dunks by the likes of Joe Alexander and Gerald Green. Come on. Get me the King, Flash, and the Mamba. I don’t ask for much. Even Vince Carter now could wipe the floor with these people. Even Jordan now could wipe the floor with these people.

- All ticket prices in all four major sports will be reduced to their 1995 rates, effective immediately. Every crowd in every sport has been outpriced by these “casual fans”, who show up at sporting events because it’s the cool thing to do, and not to root for their team. Anyone who can’t tell the score of the game without looking up at the Jumbotron will be thrown out and have his season tickets revoked on the spot. We need to put the “Home” back in “Home Field Advantage”, which leads me to my next Amendment:

- Any person found wearing a button-up shirt/dress shirt/suit/dress pants combo will be escorted from the arena, or forced to buy 25 kids brand new authentic jerseys. Show up in your teams colors and not like you just got out of a TPS Reports meeting. Also, anyone found on their Blackberry will have it thrown from the rafters onto the floor below during halftime, no exceptions.

- The Pro Bowl will now be played at the halfway point in the season, and will be used to determine home-field advantage for the Super Bowl, MLB-style. The only place I’ve ever seen a Pro Bowl played where the players actually care is in Tecmo Super Bowl. Imagine watching the best in the game forming two super teams and actually giving a crap about the game??? Your head would spin around on your shoulders and you’d pass out. It will be placed exactly in the middle of the season and played in Hawaii, with byes before and after the game, which will be made possible by…

- The preseason is shortened by two games, allowing the Super Bowl to no longer run into February. Save February for my extensive watching of college basketball so I can be prepared to finish 43rd in my buddy’s pool for the third consecutive year.

- Any ballpark where a bottle of water is more expensive there than at a local strip club must give out free bottles of water to all fans for the entire month of July. The fact that you can buy a 24-pack of Poland Spring for the same price as a bottle of Fenway Tap Water boggles my mind.

- The World Baseball Classic has to be scrapped. This is definitely one of those “let’s not and say we did” moments for Major League Baseball. So much for the “World Cup of Baseball”, huh? I bet we’d watch a lot more of this thing if we were actually pumping out legitimate players in this country and actually had a chance at winning. Any time a country of 250 million loses in a sporting event to a country of 10 million and it’s not an upset, it’s time to a.) do away with said event, or b.) that large country to fold immediately and join the small country.

Change in sports, yes we can.