When I was little, I thought you were a grown-up the day you looked forward to receiving kitchenware for your birthday and Christmas. I have reached that day, but I do not feel grown up. It’s strange the way we validate ages and mindset with the products we buy. This is my consumption timeline tracking my childhood years to the present:

My Consumer Timeline

Although images explain a lot, I will give a brief explanation of why I chose these images to describe my habits. As a babe my main desires were toys and candy; pretty basic. However, because I grew up with a twin brother, one of my main goals at that time in my life was to either define myself separately from my brother in some cases, and be linked with him in others. I wanted to show that I was a girl but at the same time, as I grew older, I wanted to be versatile in gender associated products and activities. He and I saved up our money for roller blades and we spent long hours outside drawing street signs with chalk on our driveway. We also shared a gameboy and played games like Darkwing Duck, Mortal Combat, Mario, and Tiny Toon Adventures.

Eventually I became infatuated with the idea of being OLDER. One of the main desires of pre teens is to be able to participate in activities that usually cause parents to say “…not until your older.” I have an older sister, so anything I could participate in with her made my day (although my tag-along tendencies did not inspire much sisterly affection from her). Basically, if she wore make up, I wanted to wear it and if her and her friends acted out mock fashion shows, count me in. Movies became a major hang out location for my friends and I since we were too young to go to most places yet too old to stay at home with our parents on a ‘playdate’.  I wanted to hold onto markers that signaled to myself and others that I was becoming independent. These markers I could easily buy and be convincing.

Eventually I got fed up with worrying about convincing others of my newfound independence; it can be extremely exhausting. I wasn’t secure enough to completely let go of self-identifying markers so I held on to music. I was also finally allowed to go off campus for lunch during my junior and senior years of high school so I blew a lot of money on fast food and eating out.  

Music is still something I relate very strongly with today and has become a huge motivator in my life. I also try to cook for myself more so I am spending more money on groceries. As I grow older and become more confident with myself, I find that I need markers to define myself less and less so I don’t buy them as much.

I’m tired of being ‘told’ how to perceive someone, how to know someone, or how to understand someone. With so many opportunities to post information about yourself online where virtually anyone can see, it’s hard to resist snooping in on someone’s life. We love to live through other people in movies, magazines, and tv, so any level of this cyber stalking is similar in my eyes. Most Blockbuster movies I’ve seen will hold my hand, tell me exactly who a character is, quickly tell me his/her relationship with other characters, and jump right into action plot. I don’t need any other social parental aides guiding me through my interpretations of people.

The patience it takes to get to know someone is disappearing. Developing relationships and history with people over time is quickly becoming less desirable to the speedy spy technology offered. Sure, if I post my diary online you can see my inner-most thoughts to an extent but this does not mean you know my thought process, or even how truly animated I can be in movement, body, tone, or expressions. This in no way can replace the pleasure of finding answers to questions asked in person. We are denying people the freedom and opportunity to read people. Pretty soon, I think, we will lose most of our abilities to read someone in a physical as well as mental context. If someone wants to get to know me, I will not tell you how to see me. I’d like to think I would give you more credit than that.

EXCERPT:

“J.’s sense of private and public was filled with these kinds of contradictions: he wanted his posts to be read, and feared that people would read them, and hoped that people would read them, and didn’t care if people read them. He wanted to be included while priding himself on his outsider status.”

Who is to say that, knowing anyone can read these journals, we as authors are not writing for the public? We want our posts to be read, we want to connect with people, but at the same time fear the reactions. Or maybe we don’t fear reactions anymore. There is security in anonymity. We’ve become bold social cowards. I realize the irony of making these points on a blog. That aside, just remember to go outside and get to know someone using every part of you.

women caught in a cycle

Over the past two years I have become increasingly aware of the fact that women are rarely allowed to be seen in their entirety. Women become objects when their bodies and their sexuality are linked to products that are bought and sold. They are dismembered into legs, breasts, thighs, etc. This reinforces the message that women are not whole human beings.

This awareness has made me think more about how I am received in interactions with my peers. My sole purpose in life is NOT to sexually satisfy a man, nor do I need any validation from them.