Back when I was in basic training, I had a drill sergeant, Hernandez [hereafter DS Hernandez] who was, to me, a diamond in the rough. Now generally, I was pretty damn intimidated by all the drill sergeants – because when you’re in that state of mind, that’s the image they are trying to portray. Let us just say, training is very effective.

While I was still very much intimidated by DS Hernandez, there was also a high level of respect I had for him, and I think it was mutual on my part as well. He was the one who appointed me to squad leader, which would lead to my promotion later, kept me on the inside with all the training and drill information, and even had me into his tent to give me the rundown on the final days of basic, something which I thought was unheard of.

He was the positive reinforcement I needed to make it through basic training not just in the sense of survival, but excelling beyond peoples expectations. Of course I wanted to do good for my friends and family, the thought of sticking my tail between my legs and crawling home humiliated because I couldn’t make it was unacceptable, but deep down I also wanted to do well because I wanted to show DS Hernandez that I am a damn good soldier and I wanted to have both me and my squad exceed his expectations. I think we generally did.

Needless to say, I was quite surprised to learn that he is now rotting away in Ft. Leavenworth, the Department of Defense’s maximum-security prison. Apparently, when he was stationed in Alaska, he got into a bar fight and killed two people. This may sound crazy to you, but as an army soldier trained like him, I am sure it was part just immediate reactions that have been burned into his head. In days like this, in the Army, deployment is always a single letter in the mail away. Soldiers in today’s day and age need to be ready to take orders, kill, and survive at a moments notice. The fact that he killed two people was no shock to me, almost kind of delighted that he was a man who practiced what he preached.

What shocked me was that afterwards he fled, went home, and somehow managed to get back to Ft. Benning, Georga – where there’s the Infantry training school. I am not sure the timing of the story, but I imagine that there was not enough evidence left to tie the murders to DS Hernandez.

When he was back in Ft. Benning, he got drunk one night, raped his 13 year old step-daughter, and when the cops were called was so belligerent that he thought they were after him for the murders in Alaska. High-speed pursuit with Ft. Benning police later, he was arrested and charged with so many violations I doubt he will see outside the walls in Leavenworth till I have kids in college.

I honestly feel bad for him. Sure, you probably think he’s a horrible person, but I always think I’m a good judge of character, and his downfall to me seems like nothing than one large fail. No matter what is going on in your life, soldiers have the most stress than anyone of us. Imagine being a tightly wound spring, ready to explode, but if you do the possibility of someone getting killed is astronomically high. You are a spring designed to kill – how could anyone expect different?

What lesson can we learn from this? Stress is a serious problem that can make ordinarily good people do drastic things. Stress causes us to drown our sorrows and problems in alcohol which does nothing but causes that spring to let loose. We as humans are designed to deal with stress but we need our outlets. For most of us, that is eating, but for the few of us that follow our genetic programming, we have learned the awesome power that comes with focused, hardcore exercise. On top of that, following the rules of intermittent fasting, we give our sympathetic nervous systems a chance to recuperate and rebuild and thus we are better at dealing with stress than the normal over-fed fat-ass.

Don’t be like DS Hernandez – eat right, exercise, and train your body and mind to deal with stress correctly so you don’t end up killing two dudes in a bar fight.

Sometimes when something I used to eat comes across my face I remember that delicious taste and consider cashing in my morals and just eating the damn thing. It happened when after not a week back in the US my grandfather bought the family a half dozen of those awesome muffins from Perkins – yeah THOSE ones…

Almost always, as quick as the thought enters my head it leaves the same way it came in, usually getting bumped in the ass on the way out. I have realized I’ve become quite Buddhist in my food choices lately.

You eat, and its over. That fleeting moment of anti-nutrition is always full of flavor bliss, but it is always over too soon, and all you are left with is a stomach full of high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, and a defeated mentality. No thanks. If I am going to cave into my sweet tooth, I like to do it with at least some milk or dark chocolate, sometimes even encasing yummy nuts like almonds.

Your body and brain are nothing but the building blocks you give them. The old adage, “you are what you eat,” still holds true. I’ll pass fleeting fragments of tantalizing taste bud memories for a properly functioning brain any day.

Then I began to think about why I kick myself in the ass trying to make sure I eat as perfect as I’m willing to eat. It is no myth that eating has positive mental benefits, serotonin etc, but at the end of the day, I would rather take an entire day bursting with vigor and positive energy than eating like a pig loafing around all day. I’d rather look into the mirror and like what I see and strive for the next level than be mad at myself and go back to playing xbox360.

There are many scientific benefits to eating properly and healthy including improved insulin sensitivity, increased brain function including but not limited to learning and focus, reduced stress do to the settlement of the human sympathetic nervous system, and best of all – a properly detoxed system devoid of poisons and most importantly – body fat.

The question of health to me reflects highly on the Buddhist quest for enlightenment in macro form. Do you want to be satisfied right now, while you eat that ice cream, and go back to being a fat-ass, or do you want to be satisfied for life, every moment you are awake or asleep – alive and out in the world strong and confident rather than fat and lazy?

Skyscrapers gave way to normal office buildings, gave way to houses, which gave way to rice fields, roads with cars, and spotted countryside with occasional houses. I did not like to think that this would be the last time I would see such sights, but more along the lines of the last time on my virgin journey into wonderland. I would be back. I knew it the moment I stepped into the train. After investing so much time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears into developing good social skills and fluency in the language, I would be stupid not too. I realized long before I set off how much of a kick in the pants it is to spend so much time learning a language, only to get really good the moment before you have to leave.

But alas, arriving in the mass of human transport in the middle of the countryside, I saddled up to my seat and prepared to depart wonderland. My last moments of my exchange student adventures will always be her smiling face, watching me descend the steps towards immigration from an overlooking window, my face chocked with tears of not only leaving, but leaving her behind as well. That face representing all I have come to know and love about Japan being slowly left behind as the stairs gave way to queues with restless people holding passports.

The flight home was absolutely without incident. It was probably the shortest time I ever felt I spent on a plane, not wanting the final touchdown in America because of what it represents – the end of my journey and my arrival home.

People repeatedly ask me how does it feel to be home; for which I have no good answer. America is my bread and butter, and where I have lived most of my life. I didn’t live in another country for many years, so I do not think I have quite developed a complete second personality like some have told me. To me, returning to America was like putting on an old pair of shoes, a little bit older but mostly the same exact feel.

The biggest shock to me was that the way I interact with people is still exactly the same. I thought I would be friendlier in English because it’s a language I’m more comfortable with, but I actually think I’m more friendly in Japanese. At first it took me a long time to even get the courage to talk to people, but by the end it got to the point where if someone used a word I didn’t know, I would not hesitate to ask them what the word meant. At first I thought it was embarrassing because I didn’t know the word and would just shut up, but then I realized that I am not a fluent speaker so what’s the point of trying to hide the fact that I’m not.

I guess I have just become a hybrid of sorts. I still think in Japanese, and dream in Japanese but English at the same time. I do not feel that my personality is all that different, if anything just more confident and happy to be alive in this awesome world.

Where do I go from here? Back to an American style university that’s for sure. I loved umass before I left, and now I appreciate it even more than ever. I plan on spending the next year making my Japanese better than ever, working on Brian 3.0, fighting, kicking, grappling, learning to be an even better caveman. There is a lot I need to focus on, then it is off to law school. And all the while spending time in the great playground that is Japan.

Do not misunderstand. I still find the lifestyle of Japanese people atrocious, and I would never want to seriously participate in their lifestyle. But it is hard to argue the fact that in a short time, I rubbed shoulders with some of the biggest names in my world. Japan is like a playground to make money. I tasted the good life while I was there, one filled with money, women, fame and fortune. Who would not be drawn to that? I’ll be back. A Japanese terrorist watch list couldn’t keep me out now.